This is the third instalment in my series entitled ‘managing the hell out of life.’ The series is an eclectic collection of observations I have made about life. – in the hope they can change our perspective for the better.
Even if someone fails please say thank you to them for trying. Failure is part of our journey of learning, the end point can be uncertain and of no fixed abode.
That’s life but showing gratitude to someone for having the guts to try, dust themselves off and try again is within our gift and priceless to them.
Genuine human connection – the ability to belong without having to compromise or change ourselves.
That means ‘showing up and owning up’, being able to have the tough conversations in a safe environment and knowing when to step in during times of need.
It’s a rare commodity, often withheld because of people’s fear of being judged, being ‘found out’ and being hurt.
But it is not impossible to find – just like we protect animals at risk of becoming extinct, so must we protect and help people to be themselves, wholely and without judgement.
Your career only really matters when it’s part of something bigger – a life, a purpose, a partnership.
And success in your career can only really be achieved when you realise the importance of the bigger picture that it sits within.
No matter how tempting, hold onto your perspective and don’t let your priorities be turned upside down.
Financial Addiction And Shame
I’ve had a deeply hidden secret for years – a toxic relationship with money. Last year, I finally faced my addiction and started the process of recovery, understanding, acceptance and change.
As Christmas loomed, I became aware of the difficulties of managing spending with so much pressure around us to do so. In order to help me and hopefully others, I started a 30 day challenge entitled ‘confessions of a financial addict’.
Each day I posted a short vlog sharing a lesson or tip to help myself and others tackle debt and financial addiction. The vlogs can be found in my Facebook group:
Just look under the topic ‘financial addiction’.
I’m suspect there are quite a lot of people out there struggling with financial worries, debt and the shame often associated with it.
You are not alone and I genuinely hope my experiences can be of help. I’m 12 months into my financial rehab now and 50% through my debt, so please do not loose hope – there is light at the end of the tunnel. Good luck
Be The Author Of Your Life
It’s time to shake things up – take control of our destiny, be the author of our own story and live our life, our way.
You do not have to compromise yourself, accept someone else’s judgement or fit into a false reality.
No, it’s not easy.
Yes, it’s scary as hell.
No, you will not know all the answers.
Yes, you can ask questions, explore options.
No, you do not have to be alone.
Yes, there are other curious and courageous leaders out there, trying to find a more meaningful way to be.
No, you do not need to possess all of the knowledge, it’s ok to be curious, it’s necessary to learn. Yes, you can show up as your whole self.
No, you cannot judge, preach or impose your will on others.
Yes, it will be different – honest and at times a ‘rumble’ with no obvious answer
Then let’s connect as genuine, whole humans and pool our knowledge, perspectives and curiosity, to find a way to understand and make our life more sustainable.
Parenting – in my opinion, the subject we are judged on and judge others on the most.
I think this judgement may well put us at risk of compromising how we should each parent our own children based on worrying about how others think we should!
Well, ‘upon the shoulders of giants we build’ and my dads words and actions have followed me on my parenting challenges over the past few weeks.
He was one of the few people I have been lucky enough to know and love, who genuinely did not give a toss about others judgements. He was his own man, with his own unshakeable set of values and his own approach to parenting his children.
I nearly lost my way but thanks for the reminder dad. It’s up-to each of us to parent our children based on our values, instinct and knowledge, not based on the fear of being judged by others.
What other people think of my approach is their business not mine!
I’ve been working on mine for a while. My personal ones have actually been easier than my professional ones.
It’s challenging being a transformation consultant – any change can leave people, including myself, vulnerable and that can be tricky to navigate, scary and encourage people to ‘armour up’, in case they are perceived as weak or not up to the job.
The problem is that armour and fear will ruin transformation, by killing the courage, honesty and creativity required to deliver it.
I have set 3 boundaries for my professional life and they can easily apply to my personal one too:
- It’s ok not to know all of the answers, it’s not ok not to ask the questions and investigate the processes by which we can reach the answers.
- It’s ok to fail, it’s not ok to use failure as a punishment rather than a learning tool.
- It’s ok to be intellectually challenged in the pursuit of knowledge, it’s not ok to use knowledge as power.
Real human connection, is when you have looked into the eyes of someone fearing death, knowing there is nothing you can do to stop it.
You see their fear, you feel their fear, you are afraid of their fear but you help them live with it, as best as you can.
You then need to be courageous enough to accompany them on their journey, as far as it is humanly possible.
Then you experience the rawness and truth of humanity.
It’s heartbreaking, messy, confusing and over-whelming but a necessary part of learning about life, mortality and yourself.
Real power is not about what you can make people do or how fearful people are of you.
Real power is about inspiring people to be who they are meant to be and having the ability to catch them if they falter, so they can try again.
If your lucky enough to have power, don’t abuse it, be a bright spot to show others the good it can achieve, otherwise it weakens us all.
Purpose gets me out of bed in the morning.
Purpose is stronger than shame and self loathing – with real purpose those things no longer get to be the ring leaders.
Purpose is bigger than ego and doesn’t give a toss about judgement.
Purpose does not have negative side effects, unless it becomes rhetoric versus reality, then it becomes regret.
Purpose is a fundamental building block, which all of us need, in whatever form, if we are to live rather than merely survive.
Purpose can change over time and that’s ok because so do each of us.
Purpose is pretty damn important whichever way you look at it.
Being in a position of leadership does not make you a leader.
It just means your sphere of influence, to show what genuine leadership can look like, is pretty good.
Don’t waste it, others need you to be a bright spot, to help change reality and empower everyone to be leaders in their own right.
I think it’s fair to say, an eclectic range of observations in this third instalment – a little bit like life really!