Day 3 of a national lockdown

It’s 4.30 am, I am fully awake, an anxious rumble in my stomach, a worry I cannot quite pinpoint.

So, I get up, make tea, let the dogs out, light the fire and write.

It’s the perfect time, everyone else is asleep, I finally have the silence I crave and the headspace to think.

Once the day starts, with 3 kids needing to be home schooled, fed, the house looked after and the animals cared for (including having to find a way to keep our ducks and chickens in now we also have bird flu to deal with, ffs), the day somewhat runs away with me — and yes I do get frustrated and resentful because I am left with little or no time to do the things that really make my heart sing, including trying to work out what the hell I am going to do, to enable me to work in a more sustainable way, to keep all of the balls in the air, use my intellect and make a difference, no matter how small, in this world. And no it’s not because my husband does not share the load with me — he absolutely does, at the same time as providing the bulk of our income. It’s simply because circumstances are far from ideal and we can each only do so much. It really is that simple.

And now another email from an appalling customer service team at Amazon — probably a bit of a stretch to call them customer service to be honest, a blocked account and no practical way to unblock it in the middle of a pandemic, is not ideal. Or maybe it is, the amount of non-recyclable packing used by them is sickening to be honest. One of the richest companies in the world, made richer on the back of fear and angst and yet they are unable to 1. give a sh*t about the customer who is making them rich in the first place and 2. use their enormous supply chain to source eco friendly packing — what a f*cking joke. A bit like Barclays bank, who despite being on their 3rd lockdown and remote working for nearly 10 months, still cannot answer a call in less than 20 mins, with a message constantly telling me it’s because of the pandemic. Funnily enough within that time-scale, the Country has managed to stand up a mass testing capability and develop and roll-out, at scale at least 2 vaccinations, so forgive me Barclays for being p*ssed off at your inadequate response given the circumstances and what I know organisations are capable of should they choose to be — you have simply chosen not to be.

And isn’t that the irony, 2 global, seemingly world class organisations with enormous budgets at their disposal, not putting the customer nor dare I wager their employees first, instead protecting their profit margins and out-dated business modus operandi. Capitalism was not created purely for the creation of profit, no matter what Milton Friedman said. No, capitalism was invented to represent a balanced eco-system, to benefit all, particularly the employees who were the gateway to creating content customers and the lifeline of any organisation. Profit was a by-product of that process and the owners were the trustees to ensure the organisations could be passed on through the generations, thereby ensuring growth and prosperity. Lining the pockets of a few, largely dis-engaged shareholders at the expense of the employees and customers is simply a recipe for disaster in the long term, as I believe we are starting to see. For anyone else geeky enough to give a sh*t about this kind of stuff, Adam Smith and his book ‘The Wealth of Nations’ is worth a peek. Adam Smith does not use the term capitalism but a ‘commercial society’, which I think represents his understanding that economic benefit is but one component — even back in the 18th Century, Adam Smith understood the human component well and in my humble opinion, provided a great many lessons which we have yet to learn from. I have neither the motivation, time or knowledge to get you fully up to speed on this philosopher and economist, but the article below from the financial times, does a pretty good job:

And so, back to my small, largely safe, somewhat chaotic, sometimes frustrating but mainly joyous world — difficult to believe I admit reading some of my posts, but I do not think we should avoid honestly because we are scared of what others might think, or of how it might impact our brand — in fact I find it ridiculous that individuals think they need a brand, isn’t that simply our personality? No, you can be grateful, largely content, loved and loving and at the same time get p*ssed off, tired, frustrated, angry and upset — it called being a human being. But now my anxiety returns, as it is 6.30 am and I only have 30 mins or so left before the chaos of the day descends and no the irony is not lost on me that I am only on day 3 of a national lockdown and full home schooling. There’s the washing machine to be emptied and reloaded, the ducks and chickens to be cleaned and fed, the dogs to be walked, a shower to be taken, crappy admin tasks to be done, time tables to be policed, food to be made and after all of that, I doubt I will have the energy or willpower to communicate with either amazon or barclays again — f*ck it, I’ll leave the account blocked and give me money to someone who actually needs it.

With love


A bit about me: I aspire to inspire people to be themselves, to embrace all of themselves, warts and all. To re-define our reality, to be more honest and sustainable. To re-define success, to be more diverse and focus on the stuff that really matters, not the shiny sh•t, that you cannot take with you anyway.

No-one will remember what car you drove, but my goodness, they will remember if you made them smile, feel good about themselves and accepted them for who they are. It is the gifts of kindness and understanding that will last beyond your lifetime, not the gifts of gold.

I’m a mum, writer, transformation consultant and all round eccentric, doing my own thing, in my own way, in the hope I can make others smile and love themselves a little bit more.

My blog, library of curiosity, daily inspiration and lots of other things, can be found on my website

My alternative and eclectic approach to fashion and design can be found at

I love people, I love life and I love to talk, so please feel free to reach out and let’s have a conversation.

Nik has a mission - to be brave, challenge the norm and tell it how it is. To share her failings and challenges, to help manage this mad thing called life.

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