It’s all so intense, so pressurised, so transactional. It feels like we have become robots in pursuit of purpose, meaning and ultimately humanity. Isn’t that a ridiculously huge paradox? We are losing the very thing we seek.

So, you may ask what the f*ck am I actually talking about. I’m talking about us, the way we live, the way we work, the way we connect, the way we distract ourselves, the way we see ourselves. It’s all got so out of balance. We wear our ‘busyness’ like a badge of honour, rather than the shackle it actually is. We are…

A random collection of memories that stuck in my mind and taught me a thing or two about life.

Making tough decisions

I was a young child, maybe 6 or 7 years old. We were on holiday in Wales. Two guys were arguing by the roadside — about a near miss between them. One of the guys flagged us down. My dad stopped. He wound down his window and one of the guys said to my dad “can you help me please as I’m sure he is going to hit me”. My dad instinctively went to help, my mum held him back. She…

I’m a great lover of nature — I live a lifestyle akin to the good life, everything is a little worn, quirky and imperfect. I am a passionate advocate of sustainable living, I love the taoist philosophy and I believe mother nature is a great teacher so, it’s no surprise that I choose a tree as a metaphor, a structure upon which to organise my world.

Trees signify strength, beauty and longevity and there are many parallels to be drawn with our human experience. We all need strong roots to to enable us to weather the storms and strong roots…

It’s 3 years since the onslaught of the menopause and the past few weeks have been trying to say the least — debilitating tiredness and a severe deterioration in my mental health.

3 weeks ago, something broke in me, the tears came like an unannounced tsunami, all I could do was retreat to my bed, I could not bare the thought of interaction with anyone or anything and I was simply not able to function, not even to feed myself anything other than crisps. …

So, who am I? 3 little words that communicate the biggest question any of us can ever be asked.

For me, answering this question is a life times work, because the person we all think we know best, we actually know the least. And that’s because, unless you got really lucky when you were growing up, we are not taught to understand ourselves, to be curious about ourselves, nor to observe ourselves and as a consequence we struggle to understand and connect at a deep, authentic and truthful level with others too.

Instead we are taught to study subjects that…

We dismiss them, berate ourselves for feeling them and tell ourselves it’s nothing, but of course, it’s always something — the small things, the seemingly pissy things, that get under our skin, make us feel bad and open the door to something far bigger.

This week it’s the fridge, last week it was the chimneys, next week who knows. The fridge door fell off, the hinge at the bottom just snapped, probably too much swinging over the years and it had just had enough. We have appliance insurance, good old domestic and general, you just pop on-line, book a repair…

I have not written for weeks. I have no idea what I am going to write about now. I just knew that if I didn’t write something, then I would never write anything. So, I’m just sat here putting down whatever words pop into my head, without worrying about whether they sound sh*t, brilliant or just plain old boring.

I stopped writing because I became addicted — to the engagement and feedback from others and that began to shape my writing and that’s no good. Because the minute I write to please or engage others, I stop pleasing and engaging…

Let’s have the most difficult conversation of all — let’s talk about death

The subject very few people want to talk about, the sum of all of our fears, the epitome of vulnerability and the one sure thing in our life — death.

Not talking about death does not make it any less scary or heartbreaking, in fact I would argue that it makes it more so.

And I believe embracing death actually helps us live far more fully, be more discerning with our time and priorities and less afraid of failure and judgement.

It offers the kind of perspective you will not find anywhere else in life, it cuts through the meaningless…

All of these random thoughts have been written in the second and third national lockdown, during the covid-19 pandemic of 2020. The naivety, purpose and fear associated with the first lockdown, has given way to a sense of weariness, constantly re-living groundhog day, frustration, division over our response to the pandemic and a deep seated rumble of hopelessness — perhaps the most dangerous of all of these feelings.

We dare not hope for an end date as they constantly shift, or are withdrawn, or have so many conditions attached to them, they are simply unbelievable. The threat of new variants…

It’s 4.30 am, I am fully awake, an anxious rumble in my stomach, a worry I cannot quite pinpoint.

So, I get up, make tea, let the dogs out, light the fire and write.

It’s the perfect time, everyone else is asleep, I finally have the silence I crave and the headspace to think.

Once the day starts, with 3 kids needing to be home schooled, fed, the house looked after and the animals cared for (including having to find a way to keep our ducks and chickens in now we also have bird flu to deal with, ffs), the…

Nik Davis

Nik has a mission - to be brave, challenge the norm and tell it how it is. To share her failings and challenges, to help manage this mad thing called life.

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